Joseph himself was dressed in their normal clothes, most of it being things that wouldn't look off on a musician. Plain light brown pants, plain brown shoes, a white dress shirt with red buttons, and his azure deer mantle. The young man was dressed the same way during the Kikka event, excluding the battle equipment. His physical appearance hadn't changed, but would certainly look like it had. In the unnatural darkness Kikka had, Cobborns dark orange hair color was apparent, as well as the darker hues of pink within their eyes. In the natural light however? A yellow light danced on the hair, giving it a gradient color that resembled a peaches skin. Even his light pink eyes looked all the paler when bathed in light, both effected more by the light than one might expect it should be. It was a truth hidden by the light. Even the loud coloring the hair had Sols outfit wasn't one the azure deer ever saw the other man wear, which wasn't exactly a surprise. A lot seemed to have changed for Sol, add that to the strange circumstances they met the first time under. The two contrasted well in that way. It was nice to see the changes in clothes, not just reading how the other had become a green mantis. Seeing the black haired individuals surprise caused the peachy pale skinned person to smile a bit more himself.

Their long braided hair swayed as he moved towards the other. Even if the green mantis was approaching, it would be rude to not meet them half way. The individual nodded in agreement with what the other said. “That was the first and only time we met. Considering the amount of time that was passed and I was unsure if you really thought a deamon could be good or if you were just angry at Lydia for being stupid and stubborn enough to almost get us all killed by abuse victims seeking revenge on their abuser.” Joseph shook his head. That wasn't a full explanation, right? “I wanted to see how you were fairing and catch up. Sorry, I should have said that first.” He didn't hold words inside, even if not everyone could understand everything spoken. Most that came out of the azure deer was silent, no matter how much they tried to change that. Where should they go though? It likely wouldn't do much good staying in one place, just standing and talking. Cobborn himself was always called by nature, but others tended to not always be fond of that, or libraries. Books had such a nice smell. “Would you like to take a walk with me and talk? A friendlier one than the last one we went on together.” This was meant as a joke, but probably not everyones cup of tea. Still, a walk to atch up was nicer than a walk of possible death at every corner.

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This was sort of how it sounded in Kikka so none of this was surprising. It was better to confirm rather than assume, especially when all the danger and high emotions are over. Back then his confidence was just blooming, barely existing ass he tried to explain things during a terrifying situation. “I don't think we actually needed Lydias help, just to calm down. We didn't move before she came because everyone was in a panic, the three of us already had the needed skills to get through.” This was true. None of them had been all that strong, but the main key to getting through was intelligence. The three had all been blessed to have different types of intelligence, and quite a bit. But now for addressing something. The peachy colored one considered this important to keep in mind. This wouldn't change the past, but maybe it could prevent something terrible in the future. “I wont try to change your mind about that deamon, but its still important to remember there are many types of evil. They clearly wanted to be good, to meet someone that was good and selfless, but they knew it was impossible for them to be good as they wanted to. They helped us to undo what their abuser was doing and to get back at him, to no longer be his mere pawns. They were honest, but honesty doesn't make them good or nice.”

It was easier to say it here now. Within the light and near a place considered a safe haven. Their eyes furrowed with concern, his legs moving to follow Sol along. This was around the others magic knight base after all, not his own azure deer home. “I actually volunteered in case an extra person was needed to fill in because of the complicated issues that fell under the city. With deamons like that, recklessly attacking any enemy could cause civilians to die. Its worse in finding out civilians could see through the illusions in their own homes. Illusions and enemies that make the magic knights that come to help to look as terrible as possible if they just thoughtlessly charge in and destroy any enemy without question.” An enemy that might not be one at all. What if you killed a human? What if it looked like you killed a human? How can the people be expected to trust such a force? To gain trust could take a long time and be very difficult. Loosing this force could be very fast and easy, depending on what mistakes or actions you take. How do you make the right reasoning to get them to accept the trust back? When does it stop being reasons and start becoming unforgivable excuses? That question is certainly being tested in modern times.

“In my opinion it was just as important to protect the hearts of the civilians of Kikka, just just free them. Just try to imagine not trusting the force in the country meant to protect you. What's stopping terrible things if the right people aren't called and nobody talks about it? It's an endless black well of possibilities. Lydia meant well, but her thoughtlessness almost got all of us killed. How she acted also more than likely swayed civilians more towards distrust.” That's right. Sometimes civilian populations not among the wealthy can be very quiet about issues considered 'too small' or an issue the town will take care of. Cobborn started to follow a certain green mantis member as soon as they started walking again, his peachy colored orange braid swaying with the movements. A drink sounded nice and friendly, everything seemed to be going well so far. Their large pale pink eyes gained a bit of surprise upon hearing Sols own concern for the azure deer. “I was bothered for the first few months after, but after that no damage remained. It's a lot harder to leave damage on someone who was already broken by experience before. If you want help overcoming that trauma, I could give you some tips. That was something I had to do before becoming an azure deer. Shadows, that makes sense considering the context.”

If there was anything that symbolized the events at Kikka, shadows certainly made sense. The unnatural darkness that lingered everywhere and made it harder to see anything around you bad been quite a thing. “It gets easier when you know how to handle your own trauma. How you go about it depends on the cause and the person, but its never something that can be powered away.” Getting stronger wont help, willing it 'away' would only push it away. Doing that makes trauma eventually come back stronger. “It's okay to be hurt.” Recovering faster didn't mean the young man couldn't understand lingering issues. His own far older issues that stem from far before lingered in his life in very visible and audible ways. It might never be fully gone, not completely. “What inspired you to join a magic knight squad? It's a wonderful thing, just just didn't seem like something you were interested in.”

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“There's no denying that, as they nearly killed us. What unnerves me the most about that was a deal with someone being the only reason we were left alone. The deamon said she didn't kill us only because of a deal, remember? The one we made wouldn't have covered that though. After the whole Kikka event I didn't see Chisana again, but I received a letter about my mother from the Shēngxiào family estate about my mother. It was like I found out we were distant family right after. Maybe I'm being paranoid...” But a deal was mentioned and Chisana was now gone. What was the deal, and with which person? It could have been any sort of deal, but it had definitely been the reason their little group hadn't died. It wasn't lucky, pity, or Lydia. Even if the azure deer thought it had been made with chisana, he didn't actually have any proof that it was with that person. Coincidence didn't equate to evidence so treating it as such would be mistake. There didn't seem to be anything for him to be able to look into it further. The deamons are gone, as is Chisana. Those would have been the core sources of information, if it involved that person at all. But this was all things in the past now that couldn't be interacted with. The mantis headquarters looked nice inside and quite busy.
That was something to think of. “Can the deamons find peace after death?” Who would have the answer to that? The young man knew nothing about an afterlife, if it even existed. Did creatures like that ever get a true and lasting death? Will those deamons stay dead, or appear once more in whatever abyss those beings were made? A dark place so far removed from their world in natural order that those from it cause the order of music in his sensory magic to become chaotic. The feel of something that doesn't belong somehow encapsulated in musical form. It was interesting to hear Sols reasoning for joining the green mantis. A stray thought entered his mind that quickly released itself to his fingers which quickly moved to speak it silently. ~Was I the only non noble on that mission? Was the lack of nobility why I wasn't picked at in Kikka? A bit late to ask, so pointless to wonder now.~ Having that out in the open now, the thoughts and wonderment fled out of their system completely. This was one of the ways he got things to permanently leave his system, a good way to keep the mind from getting more cluttered. Cobborn let out a sigh. “You're right, they were stuck in a hellish mind game coated in darkness after the first group failed and hurt them.”

Those mind games was one of the reasons he had joined as reinforcement. “If we avoided combat or killing any of the non deamon enemies than it would have made accidentally injuring civilians or anything that looked like a civilian far less likely. Even if the golems were only corpses, if they could look and act like people than treating them any different during that mission just further pushes away anyone who interacted with such things. All Lydia cared about was freeing the city, not ensuring that the people knew we were coming to help them. She helped give the feel that it wasn't the people being taken back, but the land under their feet. All the high ranking that focused only on the enemies made a steep misstep. Most reasonable people would feel abandoned by such actions. So you're right, they might never see themselves as people of the country again, nor their descendants. The distrust will cause them to be prisoners of their own minds, more likely to seek help from other locals or family than to ever trust the magic knights again. This will cause suffering far worse than anything the deamons did directly or indirectly while they were there.” The magic knights won the battle over Kikka, but lost the war in a sense. What could they even do to win that trust back? It was an answer the azure deer still didn't know the answer to himself.
It wouldn't be as simple as doing good, there would always be a reason in the minds not to accept that as proof. A table outside? That was an interesting thing. The two bases really were quite different, weren't they? There was even a fire and kettle. Joseph walked over towards the table before sitting in one of the chairs. “I'm glad to hear that your fear isn't dug in too deep then.” If trauma became too deep, then just going blindly forward would leave you breathless, voiceless, and crying wrapped in a ball. There really was a relief that spread through the red heads whole body, as if a concern had left the muscles. Sol wouldn't need to go through any of the steps he had to in order to find a way to go forward. All the man had to do was face them. “I believe in you Sol. I hope everyone makes through this event alive, but I wont be surprised if that isn't the case. You've gotten a lot stronger since Kikka, and I still can't use any attack magic of any type. Good luck.” Perhaps part of what Lydia had said to the peachy haired person had stuck, the attitude of someone not being useful if they don't have any way to attack enemies. He had been trying to force his magic to do things that it wasn't meant to be able to, as it was something that went against all the mans deepest fears.

His wasn't the kind that could be won over by trying to confront it head on, for that would merely leave the victim destroyed against the wave. The best thing would be to train his relic weapon and to accept that his own personal magic was going to end up purely supportive. This wasn't the route he was going for yet, but it would be eventually. Hearing about the silver eagles and nobility was a little strange. “I wish I could understand, but I've never been part of noble society. Us commoners do have the superstitious, but I’ve never heard of any being so hyper focused on eye color. Maybe most of us commoners are just too busy typically? Can't imagine being in a squad you can't trust having your back. Then again, I might be bias. Mother had deep blood red eyes, her direct family in the shengxiao had dark red or black eyes.” It was a color he was pretty used to for an eye color, despite his own pink hue. It was easy to see how the eye color and element of magic combination could make a bad first impression on people, but it made no sense to him to hold onto superstition even after meeting someone. Do nobles just have more energy to be picky with people? A slender hand gently touched the offered teacup. Was it too warm? A bit, but it wouldn't be long for it to cool.
“I'm glad you're at home with the green mantis. Valo is a good person, helped me over a year ago when a higher ranked azure deer vanished in the middle of a mission.” He was originally supposed to just tag along as he was still very new to the magic knights back then, but Naxel had vanished. If not for Valo being there, he wasn't sure he could have done anything. Their peachy pale pink eyes stared at the warm beverage and the steam coming off of it for a moment. ~This is how people take breaks~ A comment quietly spoken with their hands in sign language before finally picking up the cup. “How do you focus on getting stronger?” This was asked before he finally took a sip of the tea. There were many different methods and different ways to do this, so Joseph didn't really see this as a strange question. Maybe he could learn something from this.

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“I hope nothing like Kikka happens again so the trust can be regained.” It felt a bit too much like the deamons won in some regard, regardless of the beings no longer being there. It seemed those topics had run their course with him. Talking about that cities tragic event wouldn't really change anything, only cause them both to think of more things that have already passed. At least what they said before was good for catching up, as well as getting to know each other a little better. Hopefully none of this would stay in him too long, otherwise he may never be able to convince himself to trust Lydia. Part of him thought that was a good thing, the reasonable logical side that saw no reason to trust someone without some evidence they wouldn't repeat what they have already done. The other side thought it would be bad to not trust someone in your own squad, shouldn't he forget what she had done so he can work together with her in azure deer? But every day the logical side seemed to make more and more sense to him, pushing against the part that pulled for loyalty to the group above other things. He still needed to thank captain Zaven for saving his life, that was one thing that couldn't be let go of yet. It would be pretty impossible to do so if one was unable to remember the task in the first place, or the why.

The tea was nice, allowing the body to intense itself in ways that would be difficult without the aid of something. At this point in life it was hard to figure how to do so without outside aids. Maybe learning how to take a real break properly would help with that. Of course most just know how to take a break naturally, he was not one of those individuals. Maybe that was so long ago, but Cobborn couldn't even remember that far. The teacup was placed down as Joseph started to try imagining why anyone would be that bothered by red slitted eyes. “I'm sorry you had to go through that, even if I don't fully understand the reasoning. I'm sure many find blood creepy for some reason, but you can't be healthy without it either. There's no reason to treat you like that.” Fear as a useful tool? A hand lifted the teacup back up. “How do you plan on using fear to your advantage?” The red head couldn't fathom getting spooked in the middle of a battle just because of eye color or a dark sort of magic element after all. Well, at least not enough to leave any openings? Was that possible? No, nothing could be devoid of any openings, it was just a matter of finding them out. Fear was a powerful tool though. “I'm glad you're in a squad that you can trust to have your back and have been helping you get stronger. You're as good as dead of you can't trust your fellow squad mates.”

Different things work for different people? The azure deer sipped more tea, letting the flavor take his thoughts away, even if it was just for a brief moment. After that sip was done he put the cup down quietly. That was his problem, wasn't it? “When I first joined the magic knights I was focused on overcoming my deep aversion to violence. My mind had become made up along the way that the only way for that to happen was if I trained physically and tried to force my magic into becoming something that would allow me to cause damage to enemies in some way. What worked for me before then was learning as a whole. The more I know, the easier it is to understand the information my sound picks up using the carbon matter. The more I understand what information it picks up, the easier it is for my magic to grow stronger and expand.” He had begun to focus on the wrong area and think like a fool during his little quest to fix something that hadn't yet held him back in any way as a magic knight. Realizing that made him feel like a fool. A hand raised towards his forehead, smacking himself for not realizing it sooner. He had to have someone else point it out, it was unlikely Sol even did so on purpose. Both had very different magic, most people did.

He didn't like what the green mantis said about power, but it couldn't be denied. Lydia got away with everything she did in large part due to her strength. Sol had a valid reason to say that about strength, but at the same time? The young man took their hand off their own face, picking the teacup back up. It was interesting to look at the color of the liquid as steam continued to come from it. “Power can mean a lot, but it'd not everything. With the right intelligence, planning, and the courage to act on it, the more powerful can loose to the weaker. It's good to strive for, but please don' let it overtake you.”

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How did 'I hope' get turned to 'trying to stop it could have consequences'? The term hope in itself is a non forceful one that suggests that it happening again was a real possibility. “It's a good thing hoping isn't anything like that then.” The young man wasn't really sure he understood Sol, it seemed the other certainly got that. Everyone was scared of different things. Wouldn't it be hard to find something that could universally frighten others? Or toss people off in some way. The teacup was placed down, most of its contents gone, but not quite all of it. The young man got up from where he was sitting, readying himself for whatever example of fear the other might show him. Their pink eyes continued to show curiosity as the golem had started to form from the others blood magic. Red, of course it would be that color. It was a dramatic and bold color that such a magic type would have trouble escaping. When it touched the young mans shoulder, his own instinctive reaction was to reach for its arm so he could get a better look at every detail. This was a new thing, one that Sol wouldn't use to hurt him. Was this 'fear inducing' to others? The skull like head was also interesting. The 'silent screech' merely allowed Cobborn a good view inside its mouth, something that would be impossible if it hadn't opened its mouth at all.
It would be a lie to say he wasn't disappointed when it returned to being a puddle. His mind and eyes were full of a curiosity and excitement. There had never been a hint of fear in him through the entire situation. Most of his interactions had been guided by how he would act around his family, the few friends he had before becoming a magic knight, or things read. This helped Joseph be able to play 'innocent and naive' pretty well, his own physical appearance helping. The pale bright colors his hair had in the light gave a far more innocent peachy dawn feel than the true dark orange color the light hid. Their long eyelashes that had that same color but as coated by the same light also added to this. The glasses weren't actually needed in anyway, his sight was perfectly fine. It was a good accessory at adding to the feel of purity though. Making sure their hair was always brushed down, smoothed down, and braided helped him both stick out less and look more mild and harmless. Even how he kept his clothes played into the authentic of 'just another musician' and 'totally harmless and innocent'. The young mans eyes was a pale pink with a slight orange tinge in the darker areas, a color of youthful years far from anything that resembled a sober and dark reality. His body language wasn't all that well hidden, but most people didn't know how to read such things anyway.

But innocent people also fear monsters. Even many veterans would be a bit shaken in some way by such imagery, but not all of them. The closest to thrown off he looked was curious and excited. What was that imagery from? Mythology, or a real beast of sorts? I would love to find out what sort of tune its heart would play. To make it look a bit more real, maybe add motions that resemble breathing, A fear of the unknown or creatures with features that resemble the dead are pretty common. "That looked so interesting. What colors would it be if it where real?” It had been an eye catching design, from the claws to the skull. Everything about it had seemed off, but not so off that it couldn't exist. What could he do if he saw a real one? If such a being didn't exist then he would never have to find out. If it was real than it was something the young man could only imagine their own reaction to a real one would be from meeting it. ~ That would have likely killed me if it was real. The undead tend to be aggressive. It also looked to be designed predatory like, despite the deer looking skull.~ Cobborn signed these words to himself, their mind still buzzing a bit from the vision his friend had created. That was so interesting! They had ended up chattering to themselves quite a bit in sign language, all part of his process in learning things.
That was when he realized it, Sol had thought he was scared at one point. He was supposed to have been scared. It was too late to pretend now. “I'm sorry, it had no killing intent and you had no intent to harm. I didn't realize I was supposed to be scared. Appearances are typically not what I fear, but intent and meaning. An example... in Raque I was scared because we were stuck on an island of corpses. I wasn't scared of the corpses, but that it meant the island was a killing spot of the monsters. The deamon that made all the chaos there was also on that island, but she looked like a human woman.” That didn't feel like a good example though? Saying more might insult his old senior Naxel as well. One of his fears back then was that man loosing his mind. What was a good example of fear? The only thing he could think of was his father. What was was an actual good example of fear? Nothing that he could remember, but a lot of memories were missing. “That was a bad example of fear, since you cannot exactly recreate being trapped with something that wants to kill everyone. I'm going to use an old memory of mine to show a better example of what causes me fear.” He couldn't figure out any other clear cut way to do it. It likely wouldn't scare Sol at all, but maybe it would show what scares him?

Hopefully it wasn't too strange that he wasn't afraid of the skull monster thing with the fangs and claws and such. That thought had crossed his mind briefly before getting on task. His carbon matter started to form a tiny model of inside a house. It was common for in a commoner home. There were tools of the families trade, in this case musical instruments and sheet music. There was a room with piles and piles of sheet music, at least a dozen pages in that room still being worked on. The kitchen was pretty normal, small with a little table stuffed in. There was an upstairs were the bedrooms and bathroom was. There wasn't really a living room so much as a small spot with a couch and some instruments and a small bookshelf filled with books relating to music. A few books on music were on the floor and one on the couch, but it seemed less because of being sloppy and more that there wasn’t any room on the shelf for them. In a small area a bit after that sat a tiny wooden object with a candle burning in front of it and flowers laid on top and in front of it, being closer than the candle itself. The object looked wooden and shaped like a tiny wardrobe. A man with short hair dressed similarly to how Joseph was now sat before the unfinished music sheets, seeming deep in thought with a quill and an inkwell nearby.
There was a tiny child, no glasses, and with a long curly mess of hair. Everything was made of carbon matter and in a grey scale, so it would be hard to say if it looked like the azure deer or not in any way. The tiny figure stood outside the room the adult was in, peering over at the man. The child paused, looking at the man a bit before starting to walk towards the stairs. “Joseph, you aren't allowed near your mothers things.” This didn't sound like a guess from the man, nor like a chiding or warning tone a parent would give. It was a voice laced with killing intent. Eyes that had been previously locked on the papers with the unfinished music was now locked on the doorway. The child was frozen in fear, too scared to even move back towards that rooms doorway. That's how it was at first, but the child started to move back, shaking all over. ~I wasn't going to look, I wanna study! My study stuff is in my room.~ The child quickly signed, the words signed showing as letter words over the childs head. The young man wasn't exactly expecting Sol to know sign language, let alone being made by tiny models of a flash back. “Don't lie!” A blade of shadow appeared on the floor before jutting up. Everything in the model faded to black briefly, everything coming back to view after a music box tune started to play.

The man was now leaning over the child, arms wrapped around them. “I didn't man to hurt you, but its okay now. I'm sorry, your father just doesn't want you hurt. You don't know what will happen to you if you dig in there. You can't, I wont let you. You wont come back from what would happen.” With the insane expression on the mans face, the strange grip on the child, and the tone of their voice it was impossible to discern if this was concern or a threat- because it was both. What was the concern of? Which part was the threat and which one was the worry? The child looked up at his fathers face, or really struggling in the uncomfortable grip. With how tight the grip was, one didn't have to be the child in the memory to know that this would have definitely too tight. ~I don't remember her face. Her voice. Was she even a good person? You said she got sick because she sang, but doesn't that mean she would be alive if she stopped singing? Is she good if she abandoned us to do whatever she wanted?~ The expression on the mans face blanked a bit, their grip loosening on the child. The child tried to move out of the grip, but the adult flipped the child on their back. “Everyone that knew of her music speaks well of her. Her fame as an operatic singer will outlive both of us, as well as the love her fans have for her.
Why can't her only child understand that? Why don’t you love her? Why did you block her out?! She didn't- she never meant to do that. She was careless, that's all! She just never learned to look far past her music, none in our family have besides us.” The grip tightened again on the child, everything black out again. Breaking sounds, a fathers whispering of love, the sound of a music box. The scene brightened again, the father getting off the child. “She loved you, she loved you, she loved you. She loved us both.” Even in saying that, nothing he had spoken the entire time seemed to have been void of killing intent, or intent to harm. The scene vanished completely after that. It was easy to make things like that. It was like a map of the past, in a sense. He was quiet for a moment before looking back at Sol. “Intent I feel is the most terrifying when spoken through tones and body language. I think that was a good example of that. It would be interesting to see if you could artificially replicate that kind of body language, or at least make it a bit more scary.” His pink eyed started looking from their friend for a brief bit, glancing at the abandoned teacup. Is this goodbye? Well, he couldn't taste it anyway, even if its effects were calming. Power being important? Well, he didn't feel like arguing at the moment.

Always hungry and using voices to fool their prey? That sounded like a poor state to be stuck in. Hunger was a clawing nagging feeling that grew and grew as the need continues. A person will do desperate things when in a desperate state, even things that would be typically seen as unforgivable. Hearing the information on the mythological being and mulling on it was soothing in its own right. “It sounds like a creature driven mad by an action that can't be undone. I hope they aren't real, that would be quite a sad state to be stuck in.” But that wasn't the same kind of murderous intentions his father had, was it? No, his fathers insanity may have hurt him but it was born out of wanting to protect the azure deer. That mythological being would be like having the choice between you and someone else, but choosing yourself. Had he ever met someone with that sort of intent to kill? One born from a hunger for something? ~Maybe I should research books on mythology.~ Joseph signed, the curiosity still sparkling with wonder inside. A real one would likely be terrifying to behold, if they really did exist in some way or another. There was one thing said by Sol that was surprising enough to get the pink eyed person to look at the other. The azure deer hadn't realized he had missed something like that.

This was another reminder that research and watching others could only tell you so much. There were things typically unspoken that people assumed others just knew. These things were considered 'common sense' and 'unspoken rules'. Seeing the intent to kill in any form wasn't normal for most people. Talking about it calmly to suggest an improvement to something wasn’t normal. Such a thing being compared to an island of corpses only confirmed that this was something he definitely should have known. “Sorry, I never read that in any books or heard anyone say that. If I had known the intent to kill could scar someone than I wouldn't have shown you that example. It's just... Things don't seem scary to me if there's no visible intent behind it.” There was a pause in words and thought after that was said, another thought bubbling to the front. The fear that he may have done something very bad diminished. It still wasn't good, doing it without asking if its okay. It being on topic didn't matter quite as “You seem okay, but I'll still ask next time.” Now, where had he seen that expression? The one that would go so well on such a beast. If such a thing existed outside of myth, it would always be desperate, right? A hunger that could never be quenched, no matter how much is consumed.

Normal hunger was bad enough. If you are starved too long, your stomach would shrink. If one tries to fill their hunger to the fullest after starving for too long, a human would burst inside. They need to slowly reintroduce their body to food in order for the stomach and body to handle it safely. “Sorry, I would enjoy another cup of tea. May I show you what might be a better example for the personality you described for the wendigo? Maybe a terrifying side of hunger would be a bit easier than a more pure form of intent to kill. I never tried to make something that was a unique creation with its own expressions, so I didn't realize how hard it could be for someone to craft certain expressions.” That's right, it clearly makes the process a bit harder. Still, the young man was determined to help.

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